Divine Disappointment

Psalm 142:2
I pour out my complaint before him; before him I tell my trouble.

Well, things have been a bit crazy lately. My parents were in town 2 weeks ago, and it was great to see them and for them to get a taste of what our life in Orlando looks like. However, during that week I learned at work that our Managing Director, Greg Guevara, is stepping down from his position. I was Greg’s assistant for about a year and still work closely with him on our Communications.

While I am excited for all that God is doing in his life, I am also tired of all the change. Since I started working in the GCM office about a year and half ago, I have had to say good-bye to at least 9 people that I directly worked with. Now there are 4 others leaving two of them being directly involved with my position.

While I am confident that God has a divine puropose for not only these peoples lives, but also for the GCM office, I am currently at the point where I just want to complain and not be excited about it. It is good to know that I can pour out my frustrations and complaints to God. However I also trust God to do things that he could not other wise have done if things stayed the same. I trust what God tells me in

Isaiah 55:8-9

"My thoughts are completely different from yours," says the LORD. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.

So, I will continue to process, trust and have my days of a stubborn heart, yet in the end I will continue to depend on God and his plan, as I know it is always the best for my life.

I look forward to sharing all that he will be doing in the months to come.

-Caroline

Dependence

Well, God is teaching me a lot about dependence on Him. This past week God has brought 2 challenges into my life. They both have positive spins to them, but also require faith & dependence.

First of all Greg and I have decided that we are going to have a 20 year old guy live with us for 6 months starting in June. He is from one of our sister churches in Colorado and will be in Orlando going throughout the BMW STEP Program. We feel confident in God's leading about this, but also realize that there will be sacrifices. However, one of our goals with moving to Orlando and this last summer purchasing a home is to allow our home to be a home to whoever needs one. A safe haven for people to grow in their walks with God. So, the adventure will begin the middle of June. I am sure once we get to know our new housemate photos will appear on the blog.

Also, yesterday I found out that my boss is going to move on to another job. He has been involved with GCM for 15 years, and has in the past 6 months played a key role in challenging me to face my fears. While I realize God has a plan, there is sadness and many things to process.

Thus again God brings me back to depending on Him. I believe this will be a life long lesson for us all, but I hope as I grow that it will become more natural.

I love Orlando, but I am still looking for my secret get-away "God Spot"
in Orlando - I think this is the first place I have lived that I have not had one - however I know God will reveal this just when I need it most.

P.S. My parents are hopefully coming to visit the 2nd week of April - hopefully all you locals will have a opportunity to meet them:)
-C-line

Blooming

Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

As I set out to work on Thursday praying as I drove, I noticed the small green buds & new growth all around me. The things that were dormant and appeared to be dead were "waking up." As I continued to talk with God, I realized he is doing the same thing in me.

It is spring in my heart. There are small buds stemming from my heart. The fears that have held me back for almost 5 years are beginning to be broken.

As many of you know 5 years ago in a 6 months period I lost 2 friends. One a girl in the Bible Study I lead, and the other a guy who was like a brother to me. After experiencing the shock and reality of the frailness of life, I did not realize the lies that Satan began to root in my life.

Well, 5 years later, I still have my struggles, but for the first time I am acknowledging my fears & trusting God to free me. This means taking huge scary steps of faith - but in an odd way I am at peace in doing so.

To some who have never lost someone really close to them, they may not understand the way your view of life changes, and for those who have lost someone close, you may understand my struggles.

So, let the buds flower God, teach me to live a life of dependence on you, and to live a life of freedom and not fear.

Please pray for me as I daily trust God to provide me FREEDOM!!!

Fun Photos

Greg and his Dad (Ken) building shelves in the garage when his parents came to visit. We had a great time & they did a lot of handyman work. Our shelves ROCK!









Love at first sight (Lydia our niece & Buckeye)........ Buckeye continues to grow & love kids! He has become the "church dog" all the kids from church who wish they had a dog come visit & provide Buckeye with lots of fun & exercise.










Carol & I spend a day at Leu Gardens in Orlando - and amazing must see botanical garden. The roses were in full bloom. It was a relaxing time soaking in all of the beauty around us.












While we don't know of any kids on the way for us yet, this is a photo of Greg & Bauer - our friends adorable son. Don't you think he will make a good day some day? I do!

No broken bones

Well, it has been a while since I posted a update - here is the latest

1. I am going to Amsterdam on a mission’s trip - along with this I am choosing to face my fears and follow God. The journey has been good so far, but the spiritual attacks have all ready started. Please pray for me & Jenni as we co-lead the team & for the planning and details.

2. Monday night around 10:15 - I slipped and feel & severely sprained my right ankle. After 12 hours of sitting in the ER waiting room I was finally able to see a Doctor. Nothing is broken, but I am homebound & it has been frustrating for me. God is teaching me about learning to rest & allow others to serve me, however this is very difficult for me.

3. In general I am down today - the ankle thing plays a large part I am sure, however just prayer for my spirits would be good. Greg works the next 3 days so I will be by myself, pray that I will use the time wisely. More to come on all that God has been teaching me in regard to the Amsterdam trip - he has spoken much to me through scripture in the last month.
Until Later,
Caroline

Drink, and I'll water your camels also???????

As I continue to dialogue with God about Amsterdam, I have felt Him speaking to me through various verses. Some in regard to protection from the evil I fear & some in regard to the need.

Below is a summary from my morning "minute devotional" that I received in my email. I read this passage about 4 nights ago during my "God Time" and feel it is no coincidence that today it appeared in my inbox. I am asking God to speak to me, and He is.

So, is God calling me to water the camels? Is the prompting I feel in my heart, in regard to Amsterdam, God's response to the prayers of the missionaries in Amsterdam and their cries for encouragement from GodI have not a clue, but wait expectantly for what God will unveil.
-Caroline

Rebekah - A Servant's Heart
Selections from Genesis 24
"Let the girl to whom I say, ‘Please lower your water jug so that I may drink,' and who responds, ‘Drink, and I'll water your camels also' - let her be the one You have appointed for Your servant Isaac.
"Before he had finished speaking, there was Rebekah. Then the servant ran to meet her and said, "Please let me have a little water from your jug." She replied, "Drink, my lord." She quickly lowered her jug to her hand and gave him a drink. When she had finished giving him a drink, she said, "I'll also draw water for your camels until they have had enough to drink."

She had no idea who was approaching her that hot, thirsty afternoon, or that such a chance encounter would change her life forever. But you never know what kind of opportunities will arise when you start with a servant's heart. You know those times when someone seems to pop into your mind out of nowhere? You tell yourself you should give her a call, jot her a note, ask her to lunch. Or maybe it's not a particular person but a ministry area that you continue to sense God drawing you to. Who's to say, as Rebekah discovered, that God isn't prompting you for service out of response to someone's prayers? Try making sure you follow up on those uncanny occurrences. They seem like nothing, but only eternity can measure their significance.

Amsterdam or Bust

Well, there is much to tell about our holidays & how God worked in my heart during Christmas; however I will save that for my next entry when I have photos to include.

So, at the beginning of this year, I asked God that during the course of this year that he would free me from my fears. That the things I fear would not hold be back from living life as he desires me to. I told Him that I am willing to do what it takes and enter into the hard & scary places, trusting that he will provide me freedom on the other side.

In some ways this is hard for me to share, I feel so weak admitting that ”I don’t have it all together.” But do any of us really? We may appear like we do, but we all have something we are dealing with/hiding. As I was talking with a good friend the other day and expressing the importance of bring our struggles to the light that we can better expose and work through things, with others & believing God’s truth, it hit home in my life.

So, I have no idea how God is going to work in my life this year, but it seems that there is something brewing……….. I have the opportunity to go on a mission’s trip to Amsterdam in March. My initial thoughts are of excitement however then the fears of anxiety attacks & my IBS problems overwhelm me. How could I ever go to a foreign country and serve others? But if God calls me how could I not?

While I am not clear at this point if God is calling me to this or not (it has only been 3 days) I am praying about it and seeing some slight openings of doors. For instance 2 of the families over in Amsterdam are people I did ministry with during college. Also, the team that is going over there is a team from my old college, so I will know a handful of people. As well as one of my co-workers and close friends would be part of the trip too, a strong support team. There is also the hope that I may get to minister in my most passionate & gifted areas – ministering to the staff there – caring for them, providing some rest, relief & encouragement.
If you want to learn more about our church in Amsterdam (Zolder 50) check out this link. http://www.amsterdam50.nl/

So, I ask would you please pray these 3 things for me?
1.That in 2006 God would teach me how to live a life not constrained by fear.
2.I would clearly feel His prompting for me to go to Amsterdam or stay here.
3.That I would be obedient to God, despite my fears

The difference between accidents & crashes

Well, this morning did not exactly start off as I had planned. I got up, spend time with Greg & Buckeye, and went off to work. However, after about 5 min in the car, I ended up getting in a car crash (not accident) . Don't worry though, the car & myself are ok.

Basically a guy in the left turn only line decided he wanted to go straight (the lane I was in) and merged over as I was driving - I slammed on the breaks & he slightly hit me. I went into the intersection & then pulled into the CVS parking lot , assuming the other car would too, however the other guy fled.

After looking at the car, just a few scraches on the bumper - but nothing major or worh fixing. I think that I may have a bit of whiplash, but other than that ok.

I called the police to come out so I could have a report for the insurance just incase I need to go to the doctor, but they said that it was only a crash, not a accident & don't come out for those. Thus, later today I have to go to the police dept and file a report -Crazy I tell you.

Thus, I am a bit shake up, but so thankful for God's protection & that it was not that bad, as it could have been much worse. It is days like to today that make me so thankful for God & the time I have here on earth.

Psalm 91:11
For he orders his angels to protect you wherever you go.

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.............but it sure doesn't feel like it.

Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year. I love all of our family traditions and getting together with friends. However, this year I will be alone on Christmas and I am beginning to really realize what Christmas is all about.... Christ. I have always known this, and it has always been included in my celebrating, however this year it is really touching my heart.

This past year has been tough - especially these past few months, but God is teaching me so much & bring me into a new place in my relationship with Him.

As I decorate and prepare for this holiday God is truly showing me that it is about Him & the joy and love he has given to me. While I have my moments of sadness about not being with my family for Christmas, I am also experiencing moments of encouragement about how God really loves me & came to earth to die for me.

Jesus loves me this I know.

Growing & Growing and Growing..........

Well, our little puppy dog is not so little in size, he has nearly doubled!! He is keeping us very busy and teaching us so much. We started training classes this past weekend and Buckeye was by far the most friendly in the class, he was showering all the other puppies with great big Buckeye kisses!! Here are some of the latest photos of Buckeye.
Enjoy!

Mickey's Very Merry Christmas
What a magical night Greg & I had last night. We went to Disney World for a special event & had a blast. It was really like being a kid again........we road the tea cups, saw Mickey & Minnie, Cinderella's Carriage being pulled my 6
white ponies, Santa, fireworks, and heard all our favorite Christmas songs. It was an amazing experience topped up with a ferry boat ride back to our parking spot. Best of all it was cold in Florida

Meet the latest addation to the Tiell family BUCKEYE!!!

He has a great temperment & is such a snuggly dog.




This black and white of Greg & Buckeye is my favorite - as I watch Greg care for Buckeye - I see what a good Father he will be in the future.







With a face like that he is sure to be spoiled.



While he looks black in this photo to the left - he is actually black & brown depending on what lighting you look at him in you can kind of see his coloring in the photo below.
He doesn't really know how to jump yet - but his little prance & hop is so cute!